Remembering His Goodness

Monday, March 22nd

Tomorrow is Tuesday. We have prayer meetings every tuesday morning at 8. I usually go. Sarah leaves at 7 I believe, and Shaenelle has class at 8. If I go tomorrow I'll be going by myself. Which is completely doable. But, since I've been struggling with self-discipline, and since I wont always have Chi Alpha to rely on for my bread and water, I want to test myself by getting up at 7 and having my own quiet time. Can I do it? Can I focus? Can I devote a whole hour (since I'm entirely out of practice) to worshiping God with my praise and concentration? Can I pray prayers of thanksgiving and blessing for my brothers and sisters and not get sidetracked or sleepy? I want to know that I can. Because in the "real world," outside of this XA bubble, I will have no choice and no chance without it.

So that was yesterday. Today, I got up at 8 but still had a full hour of me alone with God.

I asked God to speak to me, and this is what he said:

Genesis 31:13a "I am the God of Bethel, where you poured oil on the stone maker and made a solemn vow to me."

I think the memory is one of the most beautiful things God gives us. It's the rope that he drops down to us when we are at our lowest. We remember, in our times of fear or doubt or loneliness, just like Jacob, that God is real, God does provide for us, and He surely does care.

We can close our eyes and remember. Your fruitful promises. The night I was afraid and could not go to sleep and then I felt you hold my hand. When I was alone in a crowd and suddenly your arm was upon my back. When I was being attacked and your name scared away the beasts. The night I gave my life to loving the lost people around me and I felt you fill the cavities of my chest till I swore I would explode into fire.

Lord, you have been there with me through every joyful, painful, dark, and laughable step I have taken. And you're with me now. And in the same way, you will be with me tomorrow when I question my future with my job, in a year when I look at the map ask you "where?" And when difficult mornings wake me with a racing heart, you will be there to pull me out of bed.

And that is why I follow you.